His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
