Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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