he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I smell like Dick and happiness
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
