The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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