I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize