You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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