If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
