i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
