I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
