I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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