i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
