you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
