Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
