We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
