And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
