i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
