i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
