SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
