is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Randomize
