LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
