awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
lets start a swedish sibling band together
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
