he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
