can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
