She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
