she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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