if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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