Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
