O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
