; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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