Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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