Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
