Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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