Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
