you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
