were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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