He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
