worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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