It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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