Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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