oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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