you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
