I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
