I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
