At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
