did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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