I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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