a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just cropdusted the office
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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