Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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