What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
