Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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