She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
